Tag Archives: lawi


So after failing to get inducted into the correctional institution so referred to as “The Asylum” i have resorted to throwing my out-of-normal thoughts back on to the inter web (Rick Ross voice insert : “These n****s wanna hold me back”)

I know, i know you just want some funny stuff not some long story about the debate about my sanity,after all i can always create another blog for that…blah blah blah here you go:



WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT,that isn’t funny to you?how about :



I  think thats enough for now to get you guys back to reading the blog,so let me leave you with one of those ink pics that “Crazy Doctors” use for the more mentally depraved…for those who are curious it’s called: The  Rorschach test :p



So basically these are stories about stuff you know you suspected but for the sake of being sane…lets just say those thoughts were better off left to remain ideas….so in my never ending quest to give you guys a laugh at my expense,i have searched the inter web once again for those many twisted ideas so as to give you retards a brief glimpse at a very “Creative”(though some of you prefer to call it “Twisted”) Mind..






So genuinely some of you had a clue that this was eventually going to happen…so after much consideration and proper such of the interweb for pictorial aides and boredom to boot i said why not…lets do a piece on WEED/MARIJUANA/GANJA/SPLIFF/FLIGHT SIMULATION/STICKY ICKY among other infamous names 🙂

So to some newcomers of this herb turned HAPPY STICK who are not able to recognize the symptoms of a basic high i highly advise you to read this article in the hopes that you better understand THE HEIGHTS you reach 🙂



Yes this is that moment when you feel as if everyone knows that you are high and that there is a conspiracy about the Police and the C.I.A are out to get you—->


Eventually some stoners star seeing their reality in dimensions they could never have imagined before…yes this is called TRIPPIN —->


That point in time where discussions are held and anything you fellow stoner friends say somehow makes undeniable sense…unfortunately these discussions are yet to lead to a cancer cure but some are still hopeful—–>


THE BEST PART is when you have the sudden urge to eat anything and everything…our tastebuds at this point prove to be disfunctional because you come up with the weirdest of combo foods that no sane man would dare try.. i.e CORNFLAKES AND UNDILUTED JUICE(as in really…)


However though some may enjoy their heights courtesy of the herb i highly advise that one should halt any further ganja intake once effects like the ones below start to take shape 😀





In case you are looking forward towards purchasing some spliff i would highly advise you to NOT do the following as emphasized in the following post plagiarized from the writer ROSIE on COLLEGE HUMOR.COM :p

SCENARIO 1:Are you my guy? Are you the guy I’m meeting? My friend said you’d be wearing a hat. That’s not very descriptive though, there are like 30 people out here wearing hats. My boy said to just drop his name. So here it goes. Ryan. Does that do anything for you? Do you know Ryan? Cool, I guess you’re my guy. Ryan’s guy with the hat, what a foolproof method, can’t go wrong there.

SCENARIO 2:So he said you had good stuff at a fair price. No, I don’t want weed idiot, I want cannabis sativa. Oh, right, I was just joking. So how much tetrahydrocannabinol is in this? You don’t know? I feel like that’s something you should know. You would be a horrible salesman in the real world. Sorry, sorry, I’m just saying.

SCENARIO 3:I don’t know how much I want. How much is enough for me to get high, but not too high, just like a medium high. Is a pound enough to get me high…better give me two, just in case? An eighth? Of a pound? Oh right, ounce, I knew that. A dime bag? Wow, it’s that cheap. In that case give me like 20 dime bags. I thought drugs were a lot more expensive, I guess the economy’s doing well.

SCENARIO 4:So once I have it I just tie up and shoot it up into my arm right? Snort it? Smoke it? Can’t I just eat it plain? Gotcha! I’m just messing with you man. But seriously, can I just eat it? No? Ok.

SCENARIO 5:What the hell is this?!? What are you trying to sell me? A clump of green dirt? Are you trying to pull a fast one on me? Listen up mister and listen up well, I’m no fool. I looked up marijuana on Wikipedia. I know it’s a leaf with a lot of pretty petals. This stuff looks like dried up leprechaun feces.

SCENARIO 6:So what are the effects? I want to experience the world in a new light. What’s it going to do to me? I have Attention Deficit Disorder with a tad bit of severe depression, could that be a problem? My health teacher in high school said marijuana is a gateway drug. Is that true? Will I be snorting coke off a prostitute’s ass next week? This may be a bad idea. I’m really starting to freak out!

SCENARIO 7:Are you a cop?!? You don’t look like a cop, but you could be undercover. Show me your badge! A cop can’t refuse to show you his badge if he’s a cop. I saw that on a show once. Fine, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’re not a cop.  But if you are I’ll be very disappointed. I hate being lied to.

SCENARIO 8:Oh, while I’m here, do you have any opium? We were talking about that in my history class the other day, sounded pretty cool. No? That’s OK. What about tobacco?  Oh, that’s legal? Convenience store, got it.

SCENARIO 9:Actually all I have on me is my debit card? Do you take Visa? No? Oh man, guess this transaction isn’t going down today…I’ll come back another time.


P.S The writer of this blog is doing this piece entirely on a hypothetical scenario,if any reader should agree with its contents then its their due right and as such the writer is in no way responsible for behavioral change or habit picking 😛



So for all of you out there who consider drinking as a blessing well i am here to prove you critics wrong and to illustrate to you how sometimes its circumstance that drives us to over indulge in the nectar of the gods, and somehow end up ina state of mind that at times is indescribable or beyond description 🙂


You have to realize at some point in life that we are humans are slowly changing or as scientists prefer to call it “Evolving”, though its nature taking its due course i have to say there are certain changes of evolution that deeply trouble me

Exhibit A:


But worse still is the whole aspect of Forcing religion onto our future generations without providing adequate support and explanations and as such one shouldnt be shocked when stuff like this happens:

Exhibit B:


Parents! Future Parents and all ye who have been given the right to look after a youngling in your place of residence you should be ready to be accountable for some of these youngin’s behaviours when they grow up… coz you know you had suspicions when you came home and found your “Coitus” scented candles lit by “accident” or because there was a “power shortage”…SO NOT TRUE…and here’s proof :p

Exhibit C:



Funny comic strips - nicolas cage hates justin bieber



Work Sayings

And your crybaby whinny opinion would be…?

I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

A PBS mind in an MTV world.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

Can I trade this job for what’s behind door number 1?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck.

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I’m wrong.

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

Chaos, panic, and disorder — my work here is done.

I plead contemporary insanity.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

Meandering to a different drummer.

Rights of this humor are credited to http://yougottobekidding.wordpress.com/2011/09/03/work-sayings-2/

A look in the mirror…

My self portrait shows a man that the wealth tortured
Self-absorbed with his own self-portrait
A shelf full of awards
Worshiping the war ships that set sail on my sea of life
When I see my own self I wonder if we still see a light
We was tight seeing lights
Speaking right and breathing life
Now I see my demons and barely even sleep at night
I don’t get high…life keeps me at a decent height
As the old me I predicted all my recent plights
Exhausted. Trying to fall asleep. Losses at my recent fights
Burdens on my shoulders now, burnin’ all my motives down
Inspiration drying up, motivation slowing down

I’m begging me don’t let me go
We vow like the letter “Oh”
To never go our separate ways
And spin-off into separate shows
Tired of all the wardrobe changin’
Playing all these extra roles
Filled with all these different spirits
Livin’ off these separate souls
Point in life is getting hollow
Can’t wait for the exit hole
Give me room. The entry room. Let me in and let me go
So I can roam around this wilderness
See it for what it really is
I’m prepared to filter list
Magnify the youth in me, alibi the shootin’ spree
Amplify the revolution, sanitize the lunacy
Strip away the justice, justify the scrutiny
I can see the lasers shootin’ out of you and me

Sometimes I feel like the world
Sometimes I feel like the world is against me
And everything that I’ve done before
I swear we used to be so pure
But we can’t be in love no more
Cause I don’t wanna fight this war
But when I put down my gun
I turn around and pick up one
This uzi weighs a ton, but I think I’m done!

Lupe Fiasco Edited

‘What THEY think YOU should know’

So after extensive research, and concentrating on more important things than the cure to HIV/AIDS or Cancer the following compilation was reached for the better good of the Human Populus(Meaning you and me :p ),so read and be enlightened coz some of this stuff is actually…interesting :

The word “queue” is the only word in the English language that is still pronounced the same way when the last four letters are removed.

Beetles taste like apples, wasps like pine nuts, and worms like fried bacon.

Of all the words in the English language, the word ‘set’ has the most definitions!

What is called a “French kiss” in the English speaking world is known as an “English kiss” in France.

“Almost” is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.

“Rhythm” is the longest English word without a vowel.

In 1386, a pig in France was executed by public hanging for the murder of a child

A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off!

Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.

You can’t kill yourself by holding your breath

It’s against the law to have a pet dog in Iceland!

Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day!

Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people

Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, everytime you breathe!

The elephant is the only mammal that can’t jump!

One quarter of the bones in your body, are in your feet!

Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different!

The first known transfusion of blood was performed as early as 1667, when Jean-Baptiste, transfused two pints of blood from a sheep to a young man

Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails!

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin!

The present population of 5 billion plus people of the world is predicted to become 15 billion by 2080.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian, and had only ONE testicle.

More people are killed each year from bees than from snakes.

The average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long or write approximately 50,000 English words.

More people are allergic to cow’s milk than any other food.

Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand.

The placement of a donkey’s eyes in its’ heads enables it to see all four feet at all times!

The six official languages of the United Nations are: English, French, Arabic, Chinese, Russian and Spanish.

Earth is the only planet not named after a god.

It’s against the law to burp, or sneeze in a church in Nebraska, USA.

You’re born with 300 bones, but by the time you become an adult, you only have 206.

Some worms will eat themselves if they can’t find any food!

Dolphins sleep with one eye open!

It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open – DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH

The worlds oldest piece of chewing gum is 9000 years old!

The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds

Queen Elizabeth I regarded herself as a paragon of cleanliness. She declared that she bathed once every three months, whether she needed it or not

Slugs have 4 noses.

Owls are the only birds who can see the colour blue.

A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years – I think i like that special number 😉

A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue!

The average person laughs 10 times a day!

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain

Sincerely Lupe Fiasco

We interrupt this broadcast,
To bring you a special message about the forecast,
The future’s cloudy and it’s raining on the poor class,
The roads to peace are closed, and the traffic’s on the war paths,
Love is balling on a budget, the military says
It’s gon need more cash, to keep fighting for your gas
Keep us in our hoods and hope we never explore pass,
Stay inside of your half, believe the lies you learn in your class,
That there’s no treasure in your trash, & the ceiling has the same feeling,
That the floor has, and that’s where you should stay,
This is what they play over and over again
And we know,
When we call in,
And nothing’s free,
Sounds to me like,
State run radio
You’re now tuned into the weakest,
Frequency of fear, keep you locked right here,
And hope you never leave this, never be a leader,
Think inside the box, and follow all procedures,
Never ever believe that, you will never need this,
Hit up all your friends and tell them to repeat this,Hi, you’re on the air, now what you want to hear?
Well we ain’t got the truth, but how about a remix?
Different is never good, good is only what we pick,
You ain’t got a hit, unless it sounds like these did,
Not too smart you will be a superstar,
And if you dumb or something maybe you could be number one
So beware whats on the air waves,
And be more aware of whats not gettin air played,
Independent spirit you can barely hear what they’re sayin,
Youth ain’t gettin on like shampoo on an airplane.
Propaganda is everywhere, constantly on replay,
All the hits all the time back to back on relay,
We’re really where it lives, make em hear the records we play,
Build your own station, become your own DJ.You must be, a radio station,
And who are we, we must be,
A number one song, spinning all day long,
And you put me, in daily rotation,
You’re on the air,
We know you’re scared,
But we don’t care,
We’ll play this here,
And over again,And we know when,
When we call in,
And nothing’s free,
Sounds to me like,
State run radio

B my Valentine

Since my Valentine got a computer
My love life has taken a hit.
Nothing I say is important
Unless it’s a byte or a bit.
Before she got her new laptop,
Everything was just fine;
Now she says we can’t talk
Unless we both go online.
“But honey,” I said, “I’m attached to you;
Love is what I feel.”
“That keyword isn’t relevant,”
She said, with eyes of steel.
She clicked the keyboard furiously;
The screen was all she could see,
And then to my horror and shame,
She started describing me:
“Your motherboard needs upgrading;
Your OS needs help, too.
And you definitely need a big heatsink
To cool your CPU.”
“Don’t flame me, my sweet,” I pleaded.
“Not on Valentine’s Day.”
“Fix the bugs, and I’ll see,” she said,
While looking at me with dismay.
“What ever you want, my darling;
Whatever you need; you call it.
I’ll upload or download anything,
And then I’ll go install it.”
(Her hostile CD keeps replaying,
And though I don’t want to fight her,
Is this what I want for a Valentine?
I’ve been burned; can I rewrite her?)
“Are you all hard drive now,” I asked
“Is there no software in you?
Don’t you remember the good times?
Let our memories see us through.”
“LOL,” she said to me, chuckling.
“You’re nothing but adware.
“I’ve got four gigs of memory;
I’ve got no problem there.”
“Please, honey, we can save it,” I said.
“Our love means more than that.”
“That’s not in my cache; we’re going to crash,”
She said, as she turned me down flat.
(This woman has really changed;
Do I really want to chase her?
More and more I’m thinking
It might be nice to erase her.)
“Aw, honey, don’t talk like that,” I said.
“Can’t we just plug and play?
I hereby accept default,
And I’m yours, my love, come what may.
My goal is to make you happy;
I want to be your portal,
But your sudden, distant coldness
Would test the strongest mortal.
If we need a brand new interface,
So we can FTP,
I’m your go along, get along guy,
And I want you to stay with me.”
“If you want to get into my favorites,” she said,
And you want to get past my encryption,
If you want to get through my firewall,
Here is my only prescription.”
“First, put up your own Web site,
And e-mail me when it’s done.
I’ll check your page rank with Google,
And tell you if you’re the one.”
My life has become a real trial,
Since my Valentine got a computer.
If I want her to care about me again,
I guess I’ll have to reboot her.


What has the world come to:

Q(Blondest chick):Isn’t it strange that all the soldiers in star wars look alike?

A(Irritated Me):uhmmmmmmmmmm there is a reason its called STAR WARS:CLONE WARS…(Emphasis on the Clone part)

Q(Stoned Friend a.k.a Reuben):Duuuuude that movie was sooooo coooooool,especially the beginning,middle and end…especially how it ended with suspense,don’t you think?

A(Irritated Me):You idiot,that was just the trailer….

Telling me :’Hope you don’t mind…’ when you seriously know i will….i dare you,i tripple dare you to do it…i’ll tell on you to mummy.. :p

How do you expect me not to be offended when you say something that starts with ‘No offense,but…’,seriously i’ll cut you

Listen up and listen good,Santa is like a typical guy who won’t ask for directions when he gets lost,say when coming to my home.So dont you dare say he doesnt exist coz that wont sit well with the voices in my head….BE AWARE AND BEWARE.

Going to church doesn’t make you as much a christian as being in the Garage makes you a car.

Is it just me or does Batman have alot of crazy weird Villains…excluding The Joker(who is amaZING..

Why is everyone trying to decipher those ancient rotting language when they can’t even decode Baby language…(which is creepy btw especially those decieving cute smiles…DEVIOUS DEVILS)

Now i feel relieved having shares… 🙂


Imagine a world without JALUO’S

AI YAWA!!!!!

Imagine a world without Luos???????
VERY SAD……………..
READ ON ……………………………….
Doctor : What happened to your arm?
Oludhe : I broke it.
Doctor : Where and How did that happen?
Oludhe : Okey. It was a normal Saturday afternoon. I was on the second floor balcony of that my house in Karen, not the one in Lavington sip…
Doctor : Is that where you broke your arm,the balcony?
Oludhe : No! no … I was sipping that my scotch whisky slowly… you know my son recently came from the UK and he brought me some blue label. Anyway… as I continued sipping, I realised that the sun’s rays were not getting directly to me, as the satellite dish was blocking them. Before I could instruct the domestic engineer to automatically turn away the dish, my butler James came up the balcony and informed me that there was this call on my social cellular phone . I reminded him to always bring the cellular up instead of calling me. As I hurried down the marble escalator …
Doctor : I guess that is when you…
Oludhe : No, as I was going down I noticed the garage door was open and a car alarm was on. I stopped to check and indeed the new model Prado was missing. I knew Mama Akinyi my beautiful second wife had taken it. Akinyi is our second daughter, now in Boston USA and is named after my late grand mother, who passed away in 1972 after a sort illness. I have always warned Mama Akinyi never to use the 4 by 4 on weekends, because of the recent spate of car-jackings. I always advise her to either use the Mercedes 230E or the BMW 325I which are not very attractive for thugs. That reminds me, I will have to tell my secretary to call “car-track ” first thing on Monday – Yawa! I need to update my mobility inventory with them.So as I was saying….
Doctor : (With some laughter) Yes Mr Oluthe, car theft incidences are rising and it is becoming a dangerous place. But how did you break your arm?
Oludhe : Yes I was coming to that. On my way to pick the cell tel I heard a hissing sound. I stopped to check where it was coming from. Ahh, it was from the bathroom.. Mama Akinyi, for some reason, had left the Jacuzzi on. Luckily the temp and speed were at the minimum. I usually recommend such speed and temp so that we do not overload the UPS support system , especially when our son’s home theatre system is on .
Doctor : Mr Olu…
Oludhe : Just wait… So I when I picked up the phone, I said Hello, Hello…Hello, but nothing. I became upset because I think the caller from state house had disconnected, I cant understand why he didn’t leave a message after the beep.All my un-answered calls including the car mobiles are automatically redirected to a CAMS system. Doc, a CAMS is a “Central Answering Machine System “. Anyway, on my way back I did not notice the protruding wire from the satellite dish. I had on many occasions told MultiChoice to send in a qualified techni…
Doctor : …is that where you tripped?
Oludhe : No, as I was avoiding the wire, I tripped on the Multichoice 250 channel decoder and fell on the 200 year old classical family piano……….
Doctor : Thank you. Such an expensive trip will cost you only 850.
Oludhe: hands over the money excitedly…)
Doctor : Not Kenya shillings, Dollars!
Oludhe : Aii….yawa…..then I shall write you a cheque drawn from my
overseas account with Fast Boston Bank Massachussets….you can not go
wrong on that one omera.

My love letter

I wont jump infront of a grenade 4 u,
but i’ll turn u frm a ‘his’ to a ‘mine'(thts also a bomb)
this feeling is harder 2 kill than Bruce Willis in tht movie ‘Die Hard’
i promise if u get with me i wont pull tht Britney Spears abbreviation, no B.S
we r mathematically fit like mx+c=y we shuld b 2getha
i knw smetimes i may dissapoint u like Santa on Christmas
but i will keep trying like Thomas Edison,
4get the haters all we gats 2 do is think like Obama n belive “Yes We Can”
I know @ times i can be confusing like tht Rubix cube,
bt i’ll try n make it as simple n healthy as ‘a,b n vitamin C’
i’ll lesten the H.U.R.T n only give u tht L.O.V.E 🙂
i love you


Artery — The study of paintings
Bacteria — Back door of cafeteria
Bowel — A letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section — District in Rome
Cat scan — Searching for kitty
Cauterize — Made eye contact with her
Colic — Sheep dog
Coma — A punctuation mark
D&C — Where Washington is
Diarrhea — Journal of daily events
Dilate — To live long
Enema — Not a friend
Fester — Quicker
Fibula — A small lie
G.I. Series — Soldiers’ ball game
Hangnail — Coathook
Impotent — Distinguished, well known
Labor pain — Got hurt at work
Medical staff — Doctor’s cane
Morbid — Higher offer
Nitrate — Cheaper than day rate
Outpatient — Person who had fainted
Pelvis — Cousin of Elvis
Post operative — Letter carrier
Protein — Favoring young people
Rectum — It almost killed him
Recovery room — Place to do upholstery
Secretion — Hiding anything
Seizure — Roman emperor
Serology — Study of knighthood
Tablet — Small table
Terminal illness — Sickness at airport
Tibia — Country in North Africa
Tumor — An extra pair
Urine — Opposite of you’re out
Varicose — Located nearby


is what the public considers insanity, really sanity?
how would any of us know if we are insane?
if we are insane how would we know what sanity is?
if we are sane how do we know what insanity is?
how do we know these things exist?
how do we know if we are real?
are we all just a figment of some little girls imagination?
what is imagination?
what if we are all living in a dream?
just slightly disconnected from the real world?
is there a world?
or have we just created a safety blanket labeled earth?
to try and save us from madness?
but what is so wrong with being positively madd?

you would never become bored
and life truly is just a bunch of paradoxes
so shouldn’t the mind work that way?
shouldn’t everything in the world and the mind contradict itself?
or maybe since life is a paradox our minds shouldn’t be
but is that possible?
isnt it natural to contradict oneself and the world they envision?
what if when i see pink you see green instead and your friend sees blue…
but wouldnt it be the same?

if no one was around and a tree fell would it make a noise?
are the laws of the universe true?
is there a universe?
what if scientists made it all up?
what if we all saw the world defrently?
but had the same words for the same things?
would anyone know the difference?

maybe everyone is a little mad or a little sane
who would know what is normal in an abnormal world?
but what is normal?

there are times i gain a bit more sanity
and then i wonder how did i become this way?
how is a raven like a writing desk?
maybe this madness started with death
how is a book like a rabbit?
some days i wonder if people notice my mind slipping
how is a bird like a pencil?
but is it really slipping?

is it a bad thing to welcome this madness?
if it is thats terribly awful of the fates to decide.
becoming mad as a hatter is quite comforting to a tormented soul.
maybe it should be phrased content as a hatter
for i am surely not mad
am i?
im much to relaxed and at peace
but are these feeling real?
am i real?

is what the public considers insanity, really sanity?
how would any of us know if we are insane?
if we are insane how would we know what sanity is?
if we are sane how do we know what insanity is?
is insanity madness?

i do enjoy being quite madd but in a nice way of course
hmmmm mad as a hatter
maybe i am a hatter