Tag Archives: zombieland

ZOMBIE 101:THINK YOU WILL SURVIVE


Considering that ye’ people of little faith still refuse to take heed to my srvival lessons in the event of a ZOMBIE OUTBREAK, i  hall still be that voice in the wild,preaching what the ALL-KNOWING TUBE a.k.a THE T.V , and my fellow Ramblers who are deemed crazy weeeeeeeeeeeeeell SHAME ON YOU,i dare you to watch Cabin In the Woods and tell me which character survives and am not talking about the Chick(who btw i still think survived on luck :p)

So now that am done venting here are some tips with visual aides to help the message sink in a bit better

FOR MORE RULES VISIT:http://www.zombielandrules.com

SURVIVING ZOMBIELAND

Ofcourse you have to be fit,how else do you think you are going to outrun those skinny zombies when you can’t even walk to the fridge?

The only sure way to make sure a Zombie is dead is shoot it in the head….then shoot it again just to be safe…

There is nothing as bad as being caught in you most vulnerable state where your defenses are down and that is why sometimes irregular bowel movements in the wrong place might just get you killed…

Hey am not saying you be chum-buddies with the psychopath,just tag along with him coz chances of your survival are high considering shooting stuff is this guy’s hobby and as such zombie land is this guy’s ultimate theme park

For those scenarios you forget to follow rule 31(The one bellow) its always good to wear a seat-belt so that you can use an accident to your advantage and let the zombie go flying through your windshield…yeah sounds like a plan right?

Somehow people easily forget this rule coz they are in a hurry to get away from some other zombies,so when you get into a vehicle why not check the backseat just in-case there was a zombie just chilling there,trying to catch a break from all that raw meat eating…

Again i say,you NEED to be FIT,so before you venture to go search some new place that may have zombies how bout you warm up a bit coz am just thinking that maybe if you pull a hamstring at the wrong place you are officially Zombie chow..you dig?

Seriously as a grown adult, you need to understand that walking into a room with only one exit…is just plain DUMB,so when you decide you need to go look for food or some chick to save,how about first you figure out which exits you can use in-case you get chased by the Undead?

I repeat….DO NOT BE A HERO…that will just get you killed…how sure are you that while being that knight in shining armor,you wont get killed and this chick you just saved,survives and goes on to get knocked up by some soldier at the Survival Camp…ALL EFFORT WAS FOR NOTHING…

IGNORE THIS RULE…IGNORE!!IGNORE!!IGNORE!!

I think this one will be the hardest rule ever for the male species 😦

So basically i understood this rule to mean…STEAL THE STUFF YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED coz who knows when the next zombie season will be 🙂

T.V 101


So generally am guessing everyone by now has already stocked up on tonnes of movie viewership and as such should realize that our survival skills have been greatly expanded through learning what NOT to do in extreme danger scenarios such as Zombie End of the world Times,Cases where conspiracies arise and you end up like Jason Bourne, what to do when dealing with a life situation that was taken directly out of a horror movie script…no..no..no,i am not even going to indulge in Romantic movies coz all they do is just teach emotionally overloaded viewers how to CRY with a tub of ice-cream this is NOT helpful when a horde of zombies want to snack on your brains, IS IT?…am just saying.

So again thanks to the inter-web and those crazy stoners at college humor,i am about to add onto the already existing knowledge of the T.V Phenomena…

Speaking of stoners i just had to share this awesome FATHER-SON MOMENT, it totally blew me away 🙂

FATHER-SON MOMENT OF THE YEAR

Now back on track,welcome to the T.V 101 Class 🙂

Am certain if you follow these procedures SURVIVAL will be certainly guaranteed :)… VIVA LA T.V

REASONS WHY NOT TO BE A HERO::BIBLICAL::


So incase of TE END OF THE WORLD scenarios i would direct you to my other posts:

https://schizoidlawi.wordpress.com/2011/05/05/rules-to-survive-zombie-land/

https://schizoidlawi.wordpress.com/2011/05/05/rules-to-survive-zombie-land/

and now to end this END OF THE WORLD CHAPTER i would love to impart on you some advice that will be valuable when the time doth come to ensure your survival 😀