RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

THE COMMENT BATTLE

Disclaimer:

The comment policy is subject to change based on whim, my mood, the phase of the moon or adjustments to my medication. Changes may occur at any time without prior notice or consultation. Changes to the policy may or may not be reflected in the written policy.  

Table of Contents

Section 1 – Moronic Comments from Indignant Young People

Section 2 – Acceptable and Unacceptable Forms of “isms”

Section 3 – Choose your words carefully

Section 4 – Respect for your Elders

Section 5 – Use of Acronyms, Abbreviations and Emoticons

Section 6 – Commenting on Comments.

Section 7 – Deleting, Editing or completely rewriting comments

Section 8 – McCarthy Style Blacklisting. What are my options now?

Section 9 – Why the First 8 Sections are Irrelevant

Section 1 – Moronic Comments from Indignant Young People

I welcome moronic comments from indignant young people.  They’re extremely insightful and usually very amusing.  So please, get up on your hind legs and bray like the teenaged jackass God intended you to be. The more the merrier, damn it.

I get very frustrated, however, when the damned young people completely forgo punctuation and leave generally unreadable gobbledegook like this:

hey wats all ofthis i eancim on every oe knows ware they learn them from its all u parents .. i mean if u dont want them to say them then take them out of scool take away tier friends and dontcuss in frunt ofthem and donttlet thembe human .. i mean for crying out loud is a cuss word what theheack its not the endoftheworld …. ww they sed somthing their notsupose o say but t least thier getting thier feelings out on how they feel .. people just lighten up go to cherch or something geessss!!!!!!

I don’t care whether you agree with me or not but it’s damned near impossible to respond if you’ve been high on methamphetamine for 5 days before visiting. Put down the damned pipe, have a decent nights sleep and write me when you’re pupils aren’t the size of dinner plates.

Feel free to disagree with me, insult me or just go off on a tirade about generalizations, stereotypes and how my generation ruined the planet for you and your slacker friends. I won’t edit you unless you violate the terms of Sections 3 through 9 or if I just don’t like the cut of your jib.

Decent and sensible young people, of course, are always welcome to comment too. 

Section 2 – Acceptable and Unacceptable Forms of “isms”

I don’t like damned “isms” and their use should be avoided at all costs. This would include making remarks that might carry the taint of sexism, racism, communism, jingoism, and of course, ageism.

Please note that I am also not fond of anthropomorphism, antidisestablishmentarianism, hedonism, priapism or animal magnetism (other forms of magnetism are acceptable provided they are used in proper context). I have a passing tolerance for Confucianism, feudalism, Gnosticism, hirsutism and journalism and would suggest they be used infrequently and only to support non-ism based arguments.

While tolerated, I would prefer not to see evidence of rednickism, vulgarism, voyeurism or the promotion of vegetarianism. Marxist-Leninism is a “no-no” as is rugged individualism. Optimism is encouraged but only if it relates to non-ism subject matter (e.g., optimism about communism would be considered a violation of commenting policy and would be subject to deletion, editing or scathing reply).

Accepted isms include McCarthyism, conformism, capitalism and Don-isms.

Orangism, nepotism and mysticism are currently under review.

Anyone using inappropriate “isms” is subject to editing, deletion and or McCarthy-era blacklisting.

Section 3 – Choose your Words Carefully

I’d prefer you not swear. It’s uncouth and a lazy way of communicating, damn it. If you must swear, use some common sense and try not to pepper your prose with too much profanity.

There are some curse words, however, that I can’t abide. As a guide, ask yourself whether your mom would have cracked you with a rolling pin if you’d used it in front of her. If the answer is “yes” than you probably don’t want to use it here. I may not have a rolling pin but I have a wide network of angry old ladies who are just looking for an excuse to track you down and beat the snot out of you.

So watch your language. Or don’t. Chances are if you’re going to swear at me you aren’t concerned about any damned comment policy anyway.

Section 4 – Use of Acronyms, Abbreviations and Emoticons

I have nothing against traditional abbreviations like NASA, AARP and COLGATE but I can’t stand the lazy short forms young people use in order to ease communication. And I don’t understand what any of it means. To me, BFF means Bran Flakes Forever.

Emoticons scare the hell out of me. Especially the animated ones. It’s like having the DTs without the benefit of ever having had a drink.  I won’t edit them out but I don’t like them and they make me itchy. 

Section 5 – Commenting on Comments

I have no problem with people taking a pot shot at me. Call me any name you like (see Section 1) but don’t demean or humiliate others unless they are ignorant young people who fully deserve it.  Trust me, you’ll know it when you see it.  It looks a little like this:

You know what? Go f* yourself. I’m 16 years old and i’m 6′3″.
You’re calling me a freak of nature? The way people look at me in the highschool hallway gives me the same feeling. I didn’t ask to be tall, nor do I want to be tall. If height alterations were the way you put them Don, I would have told myself to stop growing when i was 5′8″ at the age of 13.
I have my whole highschool thinking that I’m a freak. Now I have an old man’s posted blog saying that I’m a freak, that I’m sex-crazed and all that bullshit. It makes us “freakishly” tall people feel oh so great about ourselves, especially during puberty.
Am I disrespectful to my mother because I’m taller than her? I respect my mother. No one deserves more respect than she does. If being shorter than her would be more respectful, I’d cut off my legs you bastard.

So be nice and remember, playful banter is only fun until I say it isn’t.

Section 6 – Deleting, Editing or Completely Rewriting Comments

I’ve never done it but I reserve the right to edit, delete or drastically rewrite negative comments. If I do rewrite your comment and change (“doddering old bastard” into “dashing old rascal”) I may or may not acknowledge that fact.

Section 7 – McCarthy Style Blacklisting

If I’ve blacklisted you from the blog chances are you’re a 16-21 year old male who doesn’t know when to stop. I’ve only done it once but I’m prepared to do it again if you insist on being a complete assclown and hijacking the conversation of sensible adults with your inane musings.

If I blacklist you and you’re too damned stupid to understand why, send me an email. I won’t respond but it might make you feel better.

Section 8 – Why the First 7 Sections are Irrelevant

You have free reign to comment as you like but if you cross me, all bets are off and I’ll do whatever the Hell I see fit.  Remember, my freedom of speech is guaranteed. Yours, not so much.