Dear,Poetry Book Thief


I pay a tribute of head 2 the numbskull tht stole my previous poetry book..

I dont need 2 be in fashion 2 know tht Googgi is a fake version of Gucci,
Just like u are a fake version of any poet worth their writing,
You hypocritical diction jacker,
so sprung up on ur own lies u would make a better Jack in the box,
Even if u went 2 a high priced private school,
trust me u still n never will have class,
when u talk i cant hear a word u say coz u r like a sprinler,
dude say it,dont spray it,
bragging about having skill and ur rhymes being sick,
who told u making people ill by givin em ear infections was cool,
there might b hope 4 u yet since am here right nw,
i’ll school u on life’s lessons on tru skill,
Spitting rhymes 2 ur chick who is as old as a 2D movie n trust me i eint refering 2 her bust size,
dude i pity ur childhood coz u never played with a hand puppet,coz u were busy using ur sock 4 other purposes n am nt talkin bwt wearing em on ur feet
when people say u r retarded,trust me it eint a compliment,
You a 1minute man,no wonder ur chick left sayin she dont like fastfoods,
You the inspiration behind Wiz Khalifa’s song,
‘Black n Yellow’=’Your face n Your teeth’
So quit while u r behind,coz while am on tht fast track 2 riches u still stuck in traffic,
My chick is fly,whereas urs is still stuck in the terminal,
i dont need 2 have class coz i am on the faculty,
so dont compare urself 2 me coz 2 get 2 my level u can go ahead n queue up 4 tht public elevator,
go get ur act up coz jst coz u play E.A Sports doesnt mean u got Game
i’ll put an end to this mental assault,put a tombstone on it like the undertaker,n with two fingers in the sky:Deuces….
Lawi out….

My love letter 21.13.13.25


I wont jump infront of a grenade 4 u,
but i’ll turn u frm a ‘his’ to a ‘mine'(thts also a bomb)
this feeling is harder 2 kill than Bruce Willis in tht movie ‘Die Hard’
i promise if u get with me i wont pull tht Britney Spears abbreviation, no B.S
we r mathematically fit like mx+c=y we shuld b 2getha
i knw smetimes i may dissapoint u like Santa on Christmas
but i will keep trying like Thomas Edison,
4get the haters all we gats 2 do is think like Obama n belive “Yes We Can”
I know @ times i can be confusing like tht Rubix cube,
bt i’ll try n make it as simple n healthy as ‘a,b n vitamin C’
i’ll lesten the H.U.R.T n only give u tht L.O.V.E πŸ™‚
i love you
@

crazy


The mind is a funny misundertood place,
Pulling tricks on us u can call it magic,
Insanity and Delirium its first phase of degradation,
making one rrun mad like they were in a race

Those voices u hear yelling in ur ear,
trust me brother they arent there,
saying ‘they come in peace like 2wo fingers in the sky’
these patients r crazy,yapping,screaming and thumping on their chests,
i mean king kong eint gat nothing on these loons.

These doctors b flockin around my bed like em playboy bunnies around hugh hef,
these faces crawling in my skin like i was in a lnkin park video,
i think am goin nuts,no am not macademian,
on tht insane swagg playing russian roulette with 5 bullets like am made of luck,

in here we dont have no gucci,instead we be rockin em straight jackets like they were in season,
locked up in a small white cushioned room,
with no 2go chatrooms,the only company u got is ur alter ego…,

the crazies @ Shutter Island eint gat nothing on us,the doctors call me ‘El Loco’
u can say am literally vocal,
when am of my meds πŸ™‚
i may not be sick in the head,
bt un4tunBly my thoughts are,
they r vile n demented,
cold n dagerous like dementors,

sanity is not in my vocabulary o dictionary,
on the other hand insanity is in my thesaurus of stephen king novels,
look me up on google n u will find the Joker holding up a picture of me as his role model… πŸ˜€
@

REJOICE BIN LADEN IS DEAD


The world rejoices as Bin Laden is dead
Americans celebrated as they saw his head
Justice has found after 10 years indeed
Poeple feel free and been relieved.

Rejoice the soul who have been a victim
Innocent people who have been killed by him
Now rejoicing with God in heaven
At last, military killed bin laden.

Rejoice now from dead terrorist leader
But the question is who will be al-qeada next leader
Fear will come sooner or later
Terrorist war doesnt end here.

BLONDIE MEDICAL TERMS as by Lawi


Artery — The study of paintings
Bacteria — Back door of cafeteria
Bowel — A letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section — District in Rome
Cat scan — Searching for kitty
Cauterize — Made eye contact with her
Colic — Sheep dog
Coma — A punctuation mark
D&C — Where Washington is
Diarrhea — Journal of daily events
Dilate — To live long
Enema — Not a friend
Fester — Quicker
Fibula — A small lie
G.I. Series — Soldiers’ ball game
Hangnail — Coathook
Impotent — Distinguished, well known
Labor pain — Got hurt at work
Medical staff — Doctor’s cane
Morbid — Higher offer
Nitrate — Cheaper than day rate
Outpatient — Person who had fainted
Pelvis — Cousin of Elvis
Post operative — Letter carrier
Protein — Favoring young people
Rectum — It almost killed him
Recovery room — Place to do upholstery
Secretion — Hiding anything
Seizure — Roman emperor
Serology — Study of knighthood
Tablet — Small table
Terminal illness — Sickness at airport
Tibia — Country in North Africa
Tumor — An extra pair
Urine — Opposite of you’re out
Varicose — Located nearby

ROCK TRIBUTE


Rock’N’Rollin
Floor so cold thats why I’m so frozen
I’m a rollin stone with my Guns’N’Roses
I am like the Eagles
I am like the Beatles
If music is the heroin then I am like the needle
And you a Black Sabbath to paranoid
On the dark side of the moon like Pink Floyd
If writing is a weapon all my gun shoots is Led Zeppelin
Sex pistols whip you show respect like Otis Redding
Bring me back to life like Evanescence you begin
Me I cause hysteria I am Def Leopard
My mind is Disturbed you cannot dissect it
I deliver mayhem but music is my method
I am Van Halen eruption
Plus I have a healthy appetite for destruction…
Find me at Linkin Park with my deep crew
You say you know the What but you don’t know the Whos
Pay attention you can miss it if you Blink 182
And me I’m the one just like I’m U2
Unforgettable fire burnin like the Wailers
My life’s a motion picture and this is just a trailer
My suits a perfect suit like its tailored
So this is why I’m Red Hot like the Chilli Peppers
And this is why I rock and this is why I’m rollin
Like a Rollin Stone with my Guns’N’Roses
Some say I have bad brains
That I’m out of my mind now
So when I open the door and my head royalty shines down
I motor head it I spit it in a mean way
Mama I kill it like Queen say
Rush to the back it was a journey that was never concerning me cuz money make it the Green Day
They lookin at me with a Slipknot
I get to tripping they go and call the police for my warrant for my arrest cuz I flipped out
When they show they wanna hate me be me
So I said kiss my AC/DC
That’s anus colon Dukie chamber so they tease me
Now I’m a Quiet Riot in the pin heaven knows
When I get out there’s gonna be a hit out watch me Avenged Sevenfold
It was all dream when I woke up I was torn I dreamed sickness
No Stone Temple Pilot givin me Korn or a Limp Bizkit

Guitar Of Zeus

BLOODY NEW YEAR


May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastro-endocrinologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your gynecologist, your plumber and the IRS.

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May you find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere in the rush hour in less than an hour, and when you get there may you find a parking space.

May Sunday evening, December 31, find you seated around the dinner table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends, ushering in the new year ahead. You will find the food better, the environment quieter, the cost much cheaper, and the pleasure much more fulfilling than anything else you might ordinarily do that night.

May you wake up on January 1st, finding that the world has not come to an end, the lights work, the water faucets flow, and the sky has not fallen.

May you ponder how did this ultramodern civilization of ours manage to get itself traumatized by a possible slip of a blip on a chip made out of sand.

May you be awe struck by God’s sense of humor as you wrestle with the possibility that a professional had a chance to become President of Kenya.

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them.

May someone love you enough to forgive your faults, be blind to your blemishes, and tell the world about your virtues.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, and may your check book and your budget balance and may they include generous amounts for charity.

May you remember to say “I love you” at least once a day to your spouse, your child, your parents, your friends; but not to your secretary, your nurse, your masseuse, your hairdresser or your tennis instructor.

May we live as God intended, in a world at peace and the awareness of His love in every sunset, every flower’s unfolding petals, every baby’s smile, every lover’s kiss, and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous beat of our heart.

A Very Happy New Year to All!

MOVIES R THE BEST TEACHERS


Large, loft apartments in New York City are plentiful and affordable, even if the tenants are unemployed.

One of a pair of identical twins is evil.

Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don’t worry about which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

It doesn’t matter if you are greatly outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one… dancing around in a threatening manner until you have dispatched their predecessors.

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible but slightly blue.

If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to be a world-famous expert on nuclear fission, dinosaurs, hieroglyphics, or anything else, at the age of 22.

Honest and hard-working policemen are usually gunned down a day or two before retirement.

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies using complex machinery involving fuses, deadly gasses, lasers, buzz saws and hungry sharks, all of which will give their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

During all crime investigations, it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

All beds have special L-shaped covers that reach up to the armpits of a woman but only to the waist of the man lying beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one French bread and one bunch of carrots with leafy tops.

It’s easy to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

If you are beautiful, your makeup never rubs off, even while scuba-diving or fighting aliens. However if you are overweight, your mascara will run and your lipstick will smear.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

A man will show no pain while taking the most horrific beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises in their most diaphanous underwear, which is what they happened to be wearing when the car broke down.

If someone says “I’ll be right back”, they won’t.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel from time to time.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.

A police detective can only solve a case after he has been suspended from duty.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone around you will be able to mirror all the steps you come up with, and hear the music in your head.

Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure each is assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

THE SHIT LIST as by Marilyn :)


Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you’ve, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family…

Ghost Shit

You know you’ve shit. There’s shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.

Teflon Coated Shit

Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don’t feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!

Gooey Shit

This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn’t come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don’t stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

Second Thought Shit

You’re all done wiping your ass and you’re about to stand up when you realize it…..you’ve got some more.

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit

This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn’t come until you’re all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

Bali Belly Shit

You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.

Right Now Shit

You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.

King Kong or Commode Choker Shit

This shit is so big that you know it won’t go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else’s house.

Wet Cheeks Shit

This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.

Wish Shit

You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!

Cement Block or Oh God Shit

You wish you’d gotten a spinal block before you shit.

Snake Shit

This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.

Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)

Even after the third flush, it’s still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else’s house.

Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)

You’ll know it’s alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.

Beer Drunk Shit

This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn’t smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there’s somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else’s house.

The Frightened Turtle

The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in

The Bungee Shit

The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.

The Ring of Fire Shit

The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.

The Crippler

The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

The Big Bobber

The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.

The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

The kind of shit that hits you when you’re trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

The Incredible Hulk Shit

The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it’s normal size.

The Jack the Ripper Shit

The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.

The Party Pooper

The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

The Toxic Gas Shit

The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.

Dirty Bowl Shit

The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche – but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.

The Windy City Shit

When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.

Oh Shit! Shit

You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!

The Never Ending Shit

It’s the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Ouch That Hurt Shit

The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours

RULES TO SURVIVE ZOMBIE LAND


Rule 1: Cardio: This one comes up in Zombieland and clearly makes alot of sense. How many fat people do you see at the end of the world when its zombies doing the ending?

Rule 2: Beware of Bathrooms: Really not just bathrooms any good apocalyptic zombie survivor should know better then going into a bathroom, small closet or any other small room with only one way in or out. Only thing stupider to go into than a bathroom is a movie theater. Lots of places to run around before you get eaten.

Rule 3: Seatbelts: Its a safe bet unless your a complete dumb dumb ( see rule #7 ) your not going to be hoofing it on foot in the event of a zombie outbreak. So when travelling on four wheels wear your seat belt. Nothing worse then finding yourself ejected out of your car into the loving and oh so hungry arms of zombies.

Rule 4: Doubletap: Carrying a gun is a great idea but it should never be your primary weapon. When you do end up using it for that last minute ‘oh shit’ moment remember to double tap. Its an emergency and thats why your using it and not your cricket bat so why skimp? One bullet more in the head will go a long way to ensuring your survival.

Rule 5: No Attachments: This is a tough one but you can not have attachments. If you got kids or a wife your less likely to survive then the gal or guy who has no attachments and nothing slowing him or her down. Or worse yet making bonehead decisions like ‘going back into the room’

Rule 6: Travel in a Group: The best way to increase your odds of survival when travelling in a zombie outbreak is to make sure your a traveling buffet. Going it alone gives the zombies no choices but to eat you. Going it with the old man with the limp, the little kid who cant run and the middle aged woman with the plastic leg gives the zombies more options and you better odds you can run away faster then they can.

Rule 7: Keep the Dumb Dumbs Close at Hand: One of the most sure fire ways of making sure you survive is keeping the less intelligent as close at hand as possible. When you find somebody who asks you ‘Whats going on? What Happened? Those are the ones you want with you. That way when the zombies come they are likely to stupid to realize its not Amway calling and run.

Rule 8: Kill with Efficiency: Its not about pretty its about efficiency. Alot of folks run for the gun cabinet where as the truly savvy go looking for the most blunt and effective way to destroy the brain. That can be anything from a baseball bat… to a toilet lid! Kill with Efficiency… dont use weapons that need something to work and use weapons you can swing over and over and over again. You dont tend to run into 1 zombie at a time.

Rule 9: Guns Are for Hunting, Not for Zombie Killing: This one is simple. Guns need bullets. When your running who has time to stop for bullets? Keeping a shotgun with buckshot on hand is important but only when your pinned in and need a quick getaway. Its not a proper means for killing zombies as they run out of ammo and need reloading. Remember a Cricket Bat, or Toilet Lid do not need loading!

Rule 10: Be Quiet: Its the end of the world as you know it so try to avoid squeeling like a 4th grade school girl and perhaps invest in some good sneakers. Nobody said you have to kill all the zombies and there is certainly no shame in sneaking around and surviving versus tearing around like a madman and ending up being an undead happy meal.

Rule 11: Know Your Way out! Nothing worse then a poorly planned escape. If your going to be a hero its always a good idea to plan ahead and as the rule states.. know your way out!

Rule 12: Don’t Be a Hero: The hot chick who was totally gonna give you some is not worth becoming the undead. So when the going gets rough and the hot chick is about to get undead… its time to flee. No making a stand no ending up a brave zombie. Better to be a chicken liver live guy.

Rule 13: Limber Up: When either fighting a zombie or running from zombies its not a great time to be pulling a muscle or throwing your back out. So limbering up is kind of a must. Stretch it out a little.. it may save your life.So do sme push-ups and sme stretches b4 u run :]

Rule 14: Blend in: Much as Shaun did in Shaun of the Dead its important to blend in. Whens the last time you saw a zombie try to eat another zombie? not easily done but with the right odor and smearing of goo on your face it can happen.

Rule 15: Find The Right Shelter: Shelter is key to survival but since we are already travelling in a group you should ask yourself why the shelter needs to be stationary. For me a motor home or large all terrain vehicle that seats a half dozen would do nicely. Plus when zombies arrive in your neighbourhood there is no last minute scramble to pack and leave. Just put it in drive and roll!

Rule 16: Be ruthless: Much like having no attachments being ruthless is key. When your bride turns into the undead, reach for the lid to the toilet seat and be ruthless. The weak and compassionate will not survive in the world of the undead.

Rule 17: Check the Back Seat. I cant tell you how many times somebody has eaten it or in this case been eaten because they are just not smart enough to check the back seat. Always check the back seat friends. Always!

Rule 18:THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE………….DO NOT TURN INTO A ZOMBIE..

MAD :D


is what the public considers insanity, really sanity?
how would any of us know if we are insane?
if we are insane how would we know what sanity is?
if we are sane how do we know what insanity is?
how do we know these things exist?
how do we know if we are real?
are we all just a figment of some little girls imagination?
what is imagination?
what if we are all living in a dream?
just slightly disconnected from the real world?
is there a world?
or have we just created a safety blanket labeled earth?
to try and save us from madness?
but what is so wrong with being positively madd?

you would never become bored
and life truly is just a bunch of paradoxes
so shouldn’t the mind work that way?
shouldn’t everything in the world and the mind contradict itself?
or maybe since life is a paradox our minds shouldn’t be
but is that possible?
isnt it natural to contradict oneself and the world they envision?
what if when i see pink you see green instead and your friend sees blue…
but wouldnt it be the same?

if no one was around and a tree fell would it make a noise?
are the laws of the universe true?
is there a universe?
what if scientists made it all up?
what if we all saw the world defrently?
but had the same words for the same things?
would anyone know the difference?

maybe everyone is a little mad or a little sane
who would know what is normal in an abnormal world?
but what is normal?
abnormal?

there are times i gain a bit more sanity
and then i wonder how did i become this way?
how is a raven like a writing desk?
maybe this madness started with death
how is a book like a rabbit?
some days i wonder if people notice my mind slipping
how is a bird like a pencil?
but is it really slipping?

is it a bad thing to welcome this madness?
if it is thats terribly awful of the fates to decide.
becoming mad as a hatter is quite comforting to a tormented soul.
maybe it should be phrased content as a hatter
for i am surely not mad
am i?
no….
im much to relaxed and at peace
but are these feeling real?
am i real?

is what the public considers insanity, really sanity?
how would any of us know if we are insane?
if we are insane how would we know what sanity is?
if we are sane how do we know what insanity is?
is insanity madness?

i do enjoy being quite madd but in a nice way of course
hmmmm mad as a hatter
maybe i am a hatter

SCHIZOIDS a.k.a Numbers


lawi,madness

They say 1 in 100 contract it,
That’s 1% that turn schizophrenic,
At some point during their lives,
Recovery rate is 3 in 5,
That’s 2 in 5 that can never make
Out of possibly a paranoid delusional state.
To the nation they cost millions of pounds,
Out of which solutions are seldom found.
At a cost of hundreds a month,
To the economy they pack a costly punch.

Over 51 million have it worldwide,
Quarter of a million in the country in which I reside.
Teens at 50% risk of attempted suicide,
It even affects children as young as five,
40% suffering will try suicide,

After possibly feeling dead inside.

A decade on 10% will succeed and die,

A further 15% will be hospitalised.

6% live it rough in the States,

And with another 6% living in jail,

That’s over a tenth who’s life has evidently failed.

So pray from it you never suffer,

And end up becoming another number,

But as a hypocrite I truly amount,

As I’m also one of those whom this rhyme is about.

Don’t worry if these statistics shock you,

If I’m honest they shock me too,

All facts and figures are accurate and true.

So the next time you meet someone new,

Ask yourself are they a number too,

Chances are they’re hiding it from you,

And the rest of the world,

Like I did myself for many a years,

But now I’m here breaking it down for you,

Bringing the facts to you,

And who knows a few years from now we might prove,

To better understand the plights of the sufferers,

Otherwise known as the numbers.

The Grammar will kill you if the humor doesn't (O_O)